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I tried the best I could. For years, my world revolved around taking care of my family. Until the day I met Lawrence Jameson. I was part of a panel of law enforcement professionals giving a speech at UMass-Boston. Lawrence was a graduate student and one of the people who showed me around. He was a nice guy but I didn’t know what to make of him when he handed me his number at the end of the panel discussion. Lawrence Jameson was an openly gay black student at the University of Massachusetts-Boston. And he was interested in me. He was good-looking, and I was flattered by the attention he gave me, but I had a family to take care of. Single fathers, much like single mothers, don’t really have too much time for a social life. Seriously. Most of us don’t get out much. Since my wife died, I’d met men and women who showed an interest in me. I simply wouldn’t let myself date them. The gay and bisexual men who came calling weren’t that interested in a guy with a family. Neither were most of. Most of us knew we were dumb but we didn't like to be reminded of it. Plus then I was still kind of flat-chested and a little awkward looking, OK I wasn't ugly but guys always seemed to be looking at the other girls and I never knew what to talk about with other kids my age. At that point I felt I would have done anything to be noticed by a good looking boy.See about a year earlier I started playing with myself. It made me feel so guilty and dirty but I just couldn't stop and I'd tried. Once I stopped for a week and then one night when I was having trouble sleeping I started adjusting myself and ended up rubbing myself against the pillow.The more time that passed the more I seemed to need it. Sometimes during lunch hour with no one to talk to and not liking to read I'd sneak off to one of the bathrooms and guiltily rub myself off till I came. Then I'd slink out of the class feeling dirty no matter how many times I washed my hands. When I passed other girls who were pretty and.
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